Why did my husband and I choose online dating, and what did we do differently? I get these questions when people find out my husband and I actually met on ChristianMingle. And what do I tell them? I tell them this: Sometimes things don’t turn out the way we plan them. And sometimes they turn out better. One thing I do know is we found each other through online dating, but we did it on our own terms. Our way. Last week you heard my husband’s side of the story. Now here’s my story. 🙂
I decided to try online dating because I knew that I wasn’t going to a bar to meet someone, and because I knew that the chaos and demands of my current circumstances (single mom, nursing school, etc.) didn’t allow the time to casually date. And if I’m being honest, the few parts of me that are Type A (and I do mean *few*) wanted to have more control of the situation. As in, I wanted to be able to look at an “application” and be like “No. I don’t think you’d be good for this family. Thanks for applying.” But I thought, I don’t know, maybe that was rude??? 😉
I chose ChristianMingle because my faith is the most important part of my life. It is where I place my trust and my hope, and also where I find strength and comfort – two things that had managed to guide me through the hardest years of my life. I figured ChristianMingle would be an easier way to weed people out. As in “I’m just looking for a good time” guy, or the “Nothing serious, just fun” guy. Or MY personal favorite: “Still live at home with no job” guy. I knew that my dating life was eventually going to directly affect my children. Because of them, I knew that I wasn’t just looking for any one. I had to find THE one. And nothing short of that amazing profile that belonged to an amazing man would cut it.
I tried ChristianMingle twice, as I mentioned in my previous posts. The first time was a month over the summer, and if you missed how that went, by all means, read it here. It’s definitely funny. But it was an abysmal shot at dating. Honestly, I don’t even know why I gave it another shot, but three months later, I signed up for another month. I told myself “One more month. Then you’re throwing in the towel.” I didn’t really have time to date when I signed up then. I was in the last weeks before I had to take my nursing Boards, and spent every second I had being a mommy, or studying my backside off. That exam was the most important thing for my family. So again, why I signed up for online dating in the middle of that still makes no sense. But I did.
Two weeks went by with very little in the way of prospects. Keep in mind, I really did read profiles like applications. Did he have a career? Did he have kids and ex-wives? Did he want kids? How long had he been a Christian? What did he want for his family? Did he have goals and direction for his life? And was he handsome? I know looks aren’t the only thing. But they do matter. If I was going to find “The One”, then “The One” needed to be someone I found attractive. I’m going to be looking at this man forever! I definitely want to like looking at him! Right??? Anyway…… I only checked the site right before bed at night. Between my kids and studying, I didn’t really have time for it during the day. So one night, this new face popped up in my “Matches” – meaning he fit the basic stuff I listed that I was looking for. When I read his profile, I was stunned. He basically said he wanted to do everything for his family that I had said I wanted a man to do. It was almost like reading my own profile from the other side. We even listed the same Bible verse as our favorite. And he was certainly handsome! He had dimples! *gush*
Without dragging this on (because I certainly could!), I’ll say that I sent him a “Smile” that night. Expecting nothing, I went on about my life. The next day he emailed and said Hi. I emailed him back, and went to bed. Same thing for almost two weeks. One email a day. I was interested in him, but he took a backseat to studying. While it wasn’t intentional, seeming aloof got his attention piqued even more. He says I didn’t seem desperate (“I wasn’t!!! I was busy!”, I tell him Haha). We eventually started texting, and then, finally, the night I passed my nursing Boards, I called him. We met a week later after he came to my church. After that, I knew he was real. He was genuine and driven. He had a career, he was a Christian. I was completely drawn to him. We had little to nothing in common except our faith, but we had similar goals and hopes. I liked him! This man that I would have otherwise never known was going to be the one I married.
Online dating can be fun, it can be daunting, it can be frustrating, and it can be exciting. We didn’t do online dating like most people. We did it on our own terms. We did it our way. I never planned for Arturo, but God did. He’s my one. My lobster, as Phoebe would say. 🙂 And ChristianMingle helped make that happen. We were looking, though I don’t think either of us expected to meet that person we would grow old with. Funny how sometimes we end up with a dream come true where we least expected it.