So Much Cooler Online

cooler online

While I’ve been rather candid about my first couple of dating experiences, I should explain for those who don’t know me that I have not actually (EVER) been approached by someone random and asked on a date.  I’m not sure if that means I’m scary or unappealing or what, but let’s not drive down that dark alley.  What I will say is that I joined Christian Mingle because, as it has become apparent that Mr. Right is not currently shopping at my local grocery store, I felt I should try and “put myself out there”.  I don’t do the bar thing, and really don’t want to get involved with a man who does, so the website was a simple way to weed out the crazies and the bar-fly types, right?  Well, as I’ve been viewing profiles, and had people view mine, I have certainly seen why some of these men are currently ON an online dating site.  We’re going to call this post my public service for anyone currently trying to swim through this abyss of dating profiles.  Let’s discover what is said on these online profiles, and why they’re so horrible (and hilarious!).

While perusing some profiles yesterday, I actually had to laugh out loud at what some of these men actually feel is appealing.  Since I started this “adventure” I have just about seen it all.  And what I HADN’T seen yet, I saw yesterday.  So this post is something of a blend between “You have GOT to be kidding” and “Seriously, dude?!”.

Since my online dating began, I have seen profiles that are without a doubt funny, but some of them make me want to Gibbs slap the dude.  I.  Mean.  Really.

For instance, if your profile says “I just wanna have fun” you may belong on a different site.  Just saying.  I can’t speak for all women, but myself personally, I’m looking for someone with values and work ethic and character.  And please have some personality!  I love when I get an email from a guy and it’s like “Hi. You’re pretty.”  What am I supposed to say to that?  Years ago, there was a commercial for Pepsi (I think) where this man and this woman were in a canoe on a lake, and the narrator is saying all these things the guy should say to “woo” this girl, and he leans forward and (bless his heart!) all he said was “You smell goooood.”  *face palm*  That is how it feels when these guys email something like that!

The other super awesome way to impress a girl is to put “Grandma’s boy” in your personal description.  It’s sweet, yes.  But please, oh please, tell me more.  Because we’ve all heard the saying that mom will let ya get away with murder, but Grandma will help you hide the body.  So the fact that your Grandma loves you doesn’t inspire me to want to meet you.

And while we’re on the topic of what doesn’t make me want to meet you, let’s discuss your “occupation” section.  If it says “Open”…don’t.  Just don’t.  Because any woman with half a brain knows that “Open” means you don’t have an occupation.  No one wonders why you might be on a dating site when you don’t have a job.  And now I’m left to wonder if your Grandma paid for your membership to get you out of her basement.

So while I may not have many, if any, successful dates that come from being on an online dating site, I am certainly at no loss for fodder for my blog!  I’ll keep it coming!

Comments

  1. OMG this has GOT to be the most hilarious thing ever. I’m so glad that my foray into the “internet” dating world was before it was so widely known and popular and before too many undesireables were flocking to their keyboards.

    I was lucky, my first and ONLY contact from online dating was the man I married 6 months later and now 13.5 years and 4 kids later I’m pretty happy for that one week free trial of Match.com ….. I wonder if they’ll let us do a commercial?!

    • They ABSOLUTELY should use you in a commercial! It is because of stories like yours that people even START online dating. And wow – let’s just say you got seriously lucky! But at least it gives me something to write about! 🙂

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