Some Stuff You Can’t Make Up

serious face

Recently, I had to take a road trip (I’ve actually taken more road trips in the last 6 months than I have in years!), but this one was unique in that it was a bit of a whirlwind – 3 states in 3 days.  And oh the craziness I saw!  You’re about to get a highlight reel from last week.  All of it is true.  In fact, here’s what I learned for sure: some stuff you can’t make up.

I tend to be somewhat impatient and sarcastic.  Stop the presses – She said Whaaa?  I know.  It’s okay.  It’s been a confession that was bound to come up eventually.  I’m sorry I didn’t mention it sooner.  ANYWAY….so where was I?  Oh yes – sarcastic and impatient.  For those who don’t know, I’m from Kentucky.  Born and raised.  So anything I say that may sound negative is still coated in a pride most who have never been there or lived there can’t understand.  I bleed blue.  I love the horses and the country roads and the “hollars”  (btw – Microsoft Word doesn’t consider that a real word, but my country friends know Microsoft is wrong).  However, amidst all this love for Kentucky and the rest of the south, there is also that issue of impatience I mentioned earlier.  And, of course, the sarcasm.

Now, before you think I’m only going to pick on the south, don’t you worry – I’m going to get in a few comments about Indiana too.  Let’s start with the things I did like – I LOVED that it snowed the night I arrived in Kentucky.  Not enough to strand me there (thank GOD!), but just enough to dust the cars and the ground.  It was so beautiful!  I haven’t been in snow in many years, so I was as happy as a pig in slop…UNTIL I had to actually get dressed and go OUT in said snow.  Then I was more like a cat who’d been pitched in a swimming pool.  ‘Twas then that I realized that my skin has thinned considerably since I moved to Florida 9 years ago.  And I think I complained for about 2 straight hours.  I can’t be sure…You’d have to check with my sister and my aunt.  And I’m pretty sure if you ask them, it probably felt like days.  But they will exaggerate – it was probably closer to 45 minutes.  I’m just saying.

There were several things that made me laugh on this trip.  One being the woman in the McDonald’s in Somewhere, IN that had on the camouflage jacket, shorts, AND crocs (yep…as I said, you cannot make this stuff up) with her UK t-shirt and Tennessee knee high socks.

There. Were.  No.  Words.

Or the 23 minutes my sister and I stood in line at a gas station while my aunt stood outside freezing to death, waiting to pump gas – all because someone came in and ordered breakfast sandwiches for what HAD to have been her entire street.  Did I mention this gas station was next door to a McDonald’s….that was open???   Apparently….she didn’t know that.

But the BEST of the funnies came from north Alabama.  On my way home from Indiana (and Kentucky), I stopped for gas just across the Alabama state line.  I went in to use the restroom and stock up on the necessary evils I allow myself to eat ONLY when on a road trip (junk food like hot fries, honey buns, soda, etc.)  As I was about to grab a honey bun, I noticed some yummy-looking Little Debbie snacks that I’d never seen before.  They were like cream cheese Danish crumb cakey thingys (it’s a word – don’t judge me!) and since this girl has a love affair with cream cheese that I can’t even begin to describe, I decided to get that instead of the honey bun (I’m nothing if not spontaneous!!!).  I go and put my chips and danishes and other junk on the counter, and decide I need to go get a Coke to perk me up for the rest of the drive.  As I’m walking back to the counter, the man behind the counter (hereby referred to as Cashier Dude) is holding my crumb cakey thingy snack about 2 inches away from his nose.  When I asked if something was wrong with them, he said, “Hmmm.  What’s the date today?”

Me: “It’s like the 14th, I think.”

Cashier Dude: “Okay…well these expired about 3 days ago.”

Me: “Alright, no problem.  I’ll just grab a honey bun instead.”

Cashier Dude: “Oh no – they’re still good.  Last week we had some that had been expired for 6 days, and I got a package of them to eat on my break.  They were so good, I got another package to eat when I got home.  But then, on the drive home I remembered how good the ones were that I ate earlier, so I ate those too.  Then when I got home, I was all sad because I was outta yummy snacks.”

Me: **blank stare**

Which reminds me to mention that it was probably an act of God that I didn’t say something rude.  I’m not the kind of person who insults people, but at that moment, all I could think was “Does this dude KNOW he’s still talking???”  But instead of an insult, I just told him I’d stick with the honey bun.  And then it happened: He kept the snacks aside for himself for his break later.  Anyone ever watch FRIENDS?  Well, I have realized that Chandler lives in my head.  And most of the time I can keep his comments to myself.  This day….it was a close call.  But I did it.  Paid for my junk food, and left.  Hands down, funniest moment of the trip.

Apparently, cross country trips are incredibly amusing if you simply take the time to notice the things around you.  It will be then that you realize that some stuff you actually can’t make up.

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