There are a few moments over the last year and a half that have alerted me to the fact that I am a single mom. And by “a few”, I mean dozens. And as these moments present themselves, rarely did I see them coming. They just kind of happened. But in remembering them, I have had quite a few good laughs. And I have decided that they deserve to be shared. So here are a few examples of the journey I’m on as a single mom. I included an “Installment Number” simply because it is highly unlikely these are the only ones.
For starters, you realize you are a single mom when your idea of a good night in bed is when you wake up without having been peed on, or without someone’s toe in your ear. I wake up almost every day with at least one person in my bed other than me. Often times, that person is sleeping diagonally in my bed with their leg across the back of my head. And I have that moment where I think “It’s a good thing I baked you in my own personal oven….”
Another moment? A friend and I were discussing my wild plans of hitting the tub with a glass of wine while my kids were gone to their dad’s, and my friend says “Yep. Every mom needs a bubble bath and candles every now and then.” This is when I realized I had only half of what I needed for that scenario. That half being I had a glass of wine and a bathtub. But I’d used all the bubbles on my kids, and I had hidden all the lighters and matches so the kids couldn’t find them. This meant no bubbles or mood lighting by smelly good candles. So you ask yourself: “Will some air freshener and a flashlight work?” Gives new meaning to desperate times, huh?
Or there’s the moment when something goes bump in the night. Gone are the days when that was someone else’s problem. Now it’s mine. And for those who have never seen me face to face, let me simply say that I am a far cry from being someone whose stature is intimidating. And in the moments when I am sneaking through my house trying to find out where the bump came from, I often wonder what I would ACTUALLY do if I peeled back the mini-blinds and there was ACTUALLY a person on the other side. A friend of mine says she hates when people say silly things like “And I LITERALLY died”, but I think in this specific situation, one or two things would happen (and in no certain order). I would either pee myself, or I would LITERALLY die. Proving that I am possibly useless at hunting for the bumps in the night. Ever wonder why I have that giant dog in the backyard? Well, now you know.
These glamorous mommy moments are becoming quite routine around here. As I said, I hope the chaos and insanity of my life makes you smile, or perhaps makes you feel normal. : )