Certifiably Cayce

When You Have Nothing To Say

Peace23Most of you know that I am very new to the blogging world, and while this is so incredibly exciting for me, it is also somewhat intimidating and daunting.  Intimidating because I know several people who have made a fantastic career out of this, and I can’t imagine being as good as them.  And daunting because – while those closest to me may disagree – I don’t ALWAYS have something to say.  I have little ideas that pop in my head, but they aren’t “blog posts”.  They would, however, make for interesting conversations.

My mother will always be a voice in my head, no matter how old I get.  And one of the statements she said when I first started this journey is, “I just can’t imagine that anyone would care enough what I think for them to read it.”  And perhaps she’s right.  Is it just arrogance that makes me think that people will read what I write?  Maybe.  But I think writing is fun, and it’s an easy way for me to connect with people.  So I suppose me writing these posts is my way of having a conversation with people I wouldn’t get to talk to face to face.  And who doesn’t enjoy good conversations?!

BUT what do you talk about when you don’t have anything to say?

Allow me to share with you what my most recent discovery has been.  For the last two years of my life, I’ve been climbing several mountains – basically one in every area of my life.  I have been working toward my nursing degree which caused me to be a suburban hermit.  I feel like I’ve just started to come out from under that rock, and my, oh my, is it BRIGHT out here!  I also separated from my husband over a year and a half ago.  That in and of itself is enough blog fodder to keep you occupied for a month!  This has also resulted in me dealing with the world of a single mom.  Believe it or not, that was harder than getting an RN degree.  And I’m studying for my licensure exam, which may very well result in a stomach ulcer.  I’ll let you know when that’s over.  So back to my discovery:  In spite of all those transitions into and out of school; out of a marriage and into single mommy life; into studying for nursing boards; I’ve realized I am actually in love with my life!

I’m not even sure when it happened, but at some point it happened.  I found my happy.  I found my contentment.  I found peace.  Even though I am still a single mom, even though I am still trying to get my nursing license, even though I am still NOT divorced (trust me, that blog post is coming!), I am honestly happy with where I am.

Last night, I stood on my front porch and watched an amazing storm.  Lightening and thunder and torrential rain.  It was perfect.  And I realized I was smiling.  Probably would have looked like a complete goof to anyone who saw me, but I was smiling!  Cheshire Cat style grin.  Why?  Because I am truly at a place where I have peace.  Even if everything is still up in the air, I am content.  My children are beautiful and healthy.  My home is warm and cozy.  My friends and family are amazing.  And I have managed to create a life I love.  And that realization, that discovery, is enough to make me feel like the most blessed person ever!

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